There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We have started to decorate penises.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
