I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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