Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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