My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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