I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
