dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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