All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
