I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
