Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
