So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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