I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
