Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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