you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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