Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
