just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
