I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
