i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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