I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
