My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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