Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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