Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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