So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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