Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
