Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
