I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
