whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My vagina just clenched in fear
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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