Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
