SEEEEXXX PLEASE
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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