Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
