Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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