did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
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