They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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