I think I am morally bankrupt
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
