my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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