someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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