Who wears a wallet chain?!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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