i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
