Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
