so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
