I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
