I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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