What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
