hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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