I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
