Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
