Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
