you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
