You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We named our party play list daddy issues
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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