they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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