i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
