do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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