Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
