she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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