I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
