Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
