ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
