the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
