On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
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