Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
