i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
