i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It was confusing and full of hummus
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
