I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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