i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
