you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
