I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
