i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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